I had a dream I was in heaven. Took it as a sign from God that I am touched.
Suddenly I wake up to the heat of this world. Hell, I’m back to reality.
Basqiuat painting the Mona Lisa, I’m Stephen King writing a Ludlum novel.
When dream meets reality and reality is a contradiction. What becomes of the dream?
The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
The Lord is my rock and my foundation whom should I fear?
And yet I fear it all.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear all evil.
I fear life, death, success, failure, riches, poverty, love, hate….
I fear it all.
So what happens when dream meets reality and reality is fear?
Do you keep on dreaming or wake up and accept what you see?
Who is your god and what drives you on?
Who do you talk to when you pray?
Why go down on your knees to pray when you know you can’t speak right?
The Lord is my shepherd
Words I speak; songs I sing.
Just words with no strings attached.
My shoulders are slumped from the weight of my yoke.
Life is burdensome. Life is heavy.
I’m tired and in need of rest so I stop on the way to sleep on my problems.
I wake up alive with fear, clothed in anger.
Angry at all, and yet anxious for everything.
Moved by what I see, yet everything is negative.
Life is shrouded under a cloud of fear, raining worry and pessimism each day.
Da Vinci trapped in a Picasso
I’m Herod the great teaching the gospel.
My potential rendered impotent
She told me I was different, a king destined to rule.
I believed and put my trust in her words.
Sleeping at night, he came to steal this dream, to kill her and destroy my home.
I wake up to find my mother gone; her words follow her to the grave.
Now I sit on a throne of self-pity with no subjects to rule.
I sit on a throne of self-pity, wearing a crown of worry and constantly drinking doubt from my golden chalice.
I used to dream I was in heaven, now I have vivid nightmares in the belly of the beast.
Nightmares that have become reality.
Nightmares that do not go away.
So I pray to God to show his face.
I pray to God to show his face.

Ecclesiastes (Your Journey)

“Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your creator. Honor Him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore”(Ecc. 12:1).

How much is your life worth? Is it worth living or is it worth dying for?
All around you everything seems normal. You wake up seeing but not feeling, with the only thing you’re remotely thankful for being your existence. A life of mistakes, regrets and a fading hope. Surely once your candle of hope is snuffed out then what’s the use to living. Like Midas everything you touch changes. Unlike Midas it doesn’t turn to gold. What else is there to do but go through the routines of this numb state. Birds chirping, trees growing, cars honking each other. All around you everything seems normal till you touch something.
Evil Midas!
Your apathy towards the world seems higher than the proposed tower of Babel, you are stuck in the game of life and have already used two lifelines. You phoned your friend, he couldn’t help, time ran out. The audience(world) all gave conflicting answers which confused you the more. What’s your next option? You know your next move but what’s stopping you from using it? You don’t think you have the verve to last the whole race. What if you stumble? Better yet what if you fall but then again what if you fl… Ok so you say you can’t fly. Will He accept you back? You think He’ll get tired of welcoming you back. Scared of fear. You coward!
How similar are you to the seeds that fell among the thorns. The world controls you, trapped in vanity. Institutionalized by money, fame, power, women and drugs. Everyday is a party, each night at the club. You claim to be Christian and truly believe what you say.
You think church is enough but you wasn’t even listening to the sermon. Your mind is wondering, your mind is fishing, your eyes be scanning for fresh meat. How can you fish for meat at church? Your ignorance isn’t bliss, your ignorance is grief. In your mind you are the king, in reality a slave. Mind games I guess. Sin is your guide, the devil your usher. Burn! Hell, that’s the path you’re headed. You think the sun scorches? Just wait.
But now everything seems to be crumbling down and it’s all becoming too much for you, depression knocks on your door, the load she brings is too much for your shoulders. Your blissful ignorance has turned into gloomy reality. Self realization is upon you and you are 6ft under: emotionally.
What’s your life really worth? Is it worth living or is it worth dying for? Life to you has become meaningless so you shun the world and wallow in sorrow. In exiling yourself from all, you see a glimpse of Him approaching your home but that same fear keeps you from inviting Him in. What’s your greatest fear?

“That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty” (Ecc. 12:13).

Faith by Belief: A Cry For Help

It’s been long since I last put something up… Well, two days I think, I’ve been a little consistent this week given my previous lazy attitude towards writing(yeah..I know, why did I create a blog then?). I recently find myself in a bit of a pickle faith wise. Life is full of challenges and how we deal or not deal with such tests defines us as human beings. I am writing this to not express the strength of my faith but rather my lack of it.
Sometimes when I hear stories regarding faith it seems so simple to achieve yet it’s not that easy and yet it is. What on earth am I saying here. Forgive my babbling, but I guess what I’m trying to put across is that the higher we go in life the higher the problems we face and as such the higher our level of faith. Hebrews 11 describes faith as being sure of what one hopes for and certain of what is unseen. A further read of the whole chapter guides us through faith as a verb and how each person who practiced this was rewarded accordingly. Which is where I find most important ‘according to their faith’, this tells us that faith is based on the individual who practices it and as such the more you believe the more you be rewarded.
So as I was saying, my faith has somewhat diminished these past days. Reason for this? Only one thing that hinders our faith. Fear. That feeling of ‘what if’ has been playing on my mind throughout when I needn’t entertain it but for some reason I can’t completely banish it from my subconscious, it’s always lurking somewhere inside waiting for the moment of faith and then it pops out to cripple my belief. It’s like Jay Z raps about in Forever Young: hoping for the best yet expecting the worst. That tiny bit of doubt is pulling me back from achieving what it is I want. Prayer becomes a session of questioning and doubting God, thankfulness becomes worry and joy turns to sorrow.
That’s where I find my self at the moment. But then again i know this is just a short phase which I’ll put an end to with the last full stop of this post. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.